Howl at the Moon
by The Purest Trinity
Summary: The war has reached it's peak, people are dying every day, aurors are outnumbered, and the Ministry is falling apart. Albus offers Remus a mission and he sees no choice other than to accept it. However, what started as an act of duty transforms into a per


**Story:** Howl at the Moon

**Chapter:** One, Manipulation

**Authoress:** Stormy Llewellyn

**Authoress' Note:** Yeah, another one. This idea came to me in the middle of my road test, distracting me and losing me quite a few points. Since then, it hasn't left me alone. This is actually the first non-slash, canon couple I've ever written. If original characters drive you nuts you may not want to read this as one of them takes a large part in the story. However, I will make them as well rounded and developed as possible. This story is told in alternating views between Tonks and Remus. I'm not positive that this fic is going to be top priority for me but any reviews will help keep me writing it, I appreciate them and I'll try to respond, especially if you leave one that gives me something to work on. Slash in the first chapter, or memories of slash anyway but please don't let that stop you from reading the fic, it's important to the storyline to show his past relationships. Um, some of you will think that Sirius is out of character but I don't think so, at least not for his younger self. Let's agree to disagree since neither of us know how he was as a kid.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. Though the plot is fairly original if you ask me.

**Thank You:** A special thanks to a special friend who spent an hour helping me figure out where I wanted this story to go. Another huge thanks to my beta, DemonCat, who has made working with a beta a wonderful experience.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Lupin-**

_There was pain, the usual pain that came with transformation. The breaking and rearranging of muscles and anatomy that made me scream in pain and claw thoughtlessly at my chest pleading to any deity that would listen to make the pain stop. And the pain didn't taper off all at once, it slowly faded and leaved my heart thudding in my ears and every muscle in my body throbbing. _

_I lifted my brown head and looked around the room, expecting to find myself_ _in a small, vandalized room of the Shrieking Shack or chained in a dungeon away from anyone I may harm. Instead, I found myself in an open field in the middle of a forest. Every sense in my body was enhanced one hundred fold and the open night air delighted my canine senses. There were a thousand scents in the air. The smell of woodland, the scent of live game, the delicious scent of humans coming from a nearby town that made him growl , night jasmine growing wild in the forest.. Everything was illuminated brightly by the moon hanging overhead, I looked at her lovingly, almost reverently. My protector, the one that gave me strength, the one that set me free. _

_With a low growl, I push myself to my four feet and stretch all those taut muscles, reveling in the power that lies within me. Something moves to my right in the forest causing my head to snap up and my ears to perk. Leaning down on my haunches, I take off on a smooth movement. It's scent comes stronger now, a small woodland creature, perhaps a rabbit or a squirrel. Before I reach it, the animal's survival instincts kick in and it takes off. I let out a growl and run faster, closing on it. Now it's in sight, a small rabbit that is spotted with black, brown, and white. Soon I'm on top of it and my fangs are tearing into it's neck. Bitter blood fills my mouth and the stringy flesh is torn by my teeth. The smell of blood is maddening and I find myself panting and raise my head, howl at the moon. _

_Suddenly another scent is in the air, one that manages to cut through the blood induced haze. It was a delicious scent, the scent of animals and yet with the natural musky scent common to humans. The scent was unfamiliar to me and yet something deep within me recognized it. Slowly, I padded over to where the scent was coming from. A flash of dark fur caught my eye and suddenly a pair of yellow eyes were looking into my own golden ones. It was one of my kind, I sniffed the air, taking in their scent. Suddenly, the creature's lithe body took off and I followed quickly. We were running through the night but I was losing site of it. She was disappearing into the darkness..._

"Come back!"I cried desperately, thrashing in my sleep. When the sleep filled haze lifted, I couldn't remember what my dream had been. All I knew was that I felt more at peace then I had in years and yet had a deep feeling of loss.

Slowly, I became aware of my surroundings and my body. There was the usual ache that came after my transformation and the weakness that I'd come to associate with the new moon. Deep gauges in my sides and face throb with a dull pain and my arm which had only recently been mended by potion was aching where the break had taken place. From the swelling on my face I assumed it was covered with bruises of all different colors and unlike my other wounds, I had no recollection of how I'd gotten them.

I'd always assumed that this got easier with age, that eventually I would get used to waking up disorientated and bruised. However, with every year that passed I began to understand why so many werewolves let themselves run wild or slashed their wrists. Luckily, I could dismiss these thoughts more quickly than I was able to in my youth.

Slowly, ignoring the creak of my thirty-plus-year old bones I sat up. The mattress was covered with blood from the night before when I'd collapsed in bed and fell asleep. I dearly hoped the wounds wouldn't get infected, St. Mungo's would not treat werewolves, especially ones with open wounds since prolonged contact to werewolf blood could transform you. Oddly enough, some of my wounds were wrapped and a healing potion was sitting on the bedside table. I downed it without question, hoping to stop the pain.

Suddenly I realized I didn't know how I'd gotten here at all, usually I was stuck in the dungeons until I had enough energy to apparate. Ten years ago I would have thought that Sirius, James, or Peter had brought me home and tended to me. But there was no one now. I was the last Marauder, well the last true Marauder anyway. I was painfully aware that I was alone save for Harry and even then I had to force myself not to turn to him, had to remind myself he was a child despite the haunted, worldly look in his eyes. Harry was hurting as much as I was, maybe more. Sirius had been a friend to me, but to Harry he had been the first adult to come into his life and not hurt or manipulate him. For a moment I scowled, Sirius had given Harry just enough faith so that he would trust Dumbledore completely, unknowingly becoming the man's biggest weapon.

"_Scourgify," _I hissed through clenched teeth. The bed was instantly free of stain but was still far from perfect. It was old, worn, and stuffing was coming out of it. In the room, his few meager possessions were stacked in boxes. He hadn't been able to bring himself to unpack them yet and try to make his flat in downtown London seem like home. As soon as Sirius had died, Remus had left as soon as he could scrape up the money for an apartment. He couldn't stand the old building that Sirius had spent so much time in, however unwillingly.

Tiredly, his eyes trailed to his Muggle alarm clock which told him that it was three o'clock in the morning. What in the world had roused me at this hour? Usually it took days for me to recover from the full moon and yet this time it had taken mere hours. Suddenly I realized what had awakened me . An old but strong voice was calling me from the living room. I recognized the voice and immediately and quickly (well as quickly as my injuries would allow me) walked into the living room. There was a green light coming from behind the boarded up fireplace that no longer worked as a Muggle fireplace should. I kneeled down in front of the boards and tested their strength with his arms. During a new moon I could have easily broken them but now in my weakened state they were unmoving. I wished I had a hammer. Better yet, I wished Sirius was here.

He always had a hammer. Sirius had been a terrible roommate and an even worse boyfriend. He was sloppy, loud, and his rent was never on time. During school he had flirted shamelessly with other girls in my plain view while he _knew_ I struggled with my sexuality. He had happily bedded me but when it came time for school events he always had a tart on his arm. I don't know if I ever really loved Sirius. Well, of course I loved Sirius, everyone loved Sirius. When he first came onto me I was horrified, as any sane person would have been. Mr. Hormones was interested in me? We'd been sitting on the bed and I'd put a pillow between us to somehow ward him off.

Of course that had been ineffective and Sirius had been on top of me his lips silencing my soft, half-hearted protests. After all, I wanted Sirius to like me. What if he rejected me for rejecting him? And what if James and Peter didn't want anything to do with him? So I allowed myself to melt under his ministrations, not saying anything and gritting my teeth in pain when he pushes into my tight, virginal entrance. However it's not that bad, not as bad as the transformations and not nearly as bad as spending the rest of my life alone. Sirius mistook the tears as ones of pain and gently kissed them away, whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

After that he continued to come back to me and I think sometimes he tested how much he could hurt me before I would no longer welcome him in my bed. It would have been a lot painless really if he would toss me aside like he did his other lovers. But Sirius had always had an odd fascination with me. Especially with me being a werewolf. He would always comment on it, play off my fears, he knew that by knowing my secret he could manipulate me into doing anything. Well, perhaps manipulate wasn't the right word. The way Sirius did it wasn't really manipulation or coercion, those words were too rough and implied cruelty. Sirius had a way of making it seem like your idea all along and he was never malicious, always his charming, gentile self.

And then James had found out...and that had been the end of the blackmail. I still remember that day they had found out about my furry little problem as James affectionately came to call it. It was the beginning of our fifth year and I had missed the feast in favor of going to the willow to transform. The next morning I expected to wake up alone or perhaps if I was lucky, in the company of Sirius. Instead he found a pair of hazel eyes peering down at me above the frames of black glasses. He thought it made him look more intelligent. Lily thought it made him look smug and had glared at him when he gave her "the look" as he called it.

When he'd first discovered "the look" they had all been in their dorm room. Sirius was writing a letter to his cousin, I was reading, James was standing in front of the mirror staring intently at his reflection, and Peter was staring intently at a chessboard trying to figure out how to beat me in our weekly chess match. Frankly, I wasn't that concerned. The only person who could give me a real go at chess was Severus Snape and I could just imagine his reaction if I asked him to play chess. The thought made me chuckle and I was ignored by Sirius and James was too engrossed in his image to notice. Peter however, not wanting to be left out of anything, smiled at me and I returned the smile. Really, I was closer to Peter than the others. I liked having someone to protect and really I felt a little lost in the battle of the Titans.

James turned to me and looked at me over his glasses with a serious expression.

"What do you think, Remus? I think it makes me look smart."

I rolled my eyes and without looking up from the book commented, "They make you look like you're trying to look smart."

A heavy book missed me and hit the side of the bed, causing it to shake. Sirius spoke up, sealing his letter with wax and attaching it to the leg of his owl, "I think it makes you look like a poof," I give him a slightly offended look but he simply sneers at me. I sigh, apparently Sirius is mad at me for some imagined wrong I've committed against him.

"Why do you want to look smart, James? You've never worried about looking smart before..." Peter commented. James gave him an angry look but Peter didn't realize he said anything wrong and was still focusing on where to move his rook.

I drawled, "Actually, he's right. I happen to remember a rather tasteless prank that you pulled involving McGonagall's underpants."

"Ewe,"all three boys commented at once.

James smirked, "Hey, you guys have your idea of fun and I have mine."

"Oh," Sirius said suddenly, screwing up his face, "You're not still trying to impress that Ravenclaw girl, are you?"

"Well, you know...Ravenclaws put a lot of stock in intelligence so I just thought that she might like me better if she thought..."

Lily Evans certainly had not been impressed. She had taken the look offensively and went off on a rant about how he thought he was better than everyone. Eventually James had given up and returned to the dorm insisting that it really did impress her and she was playing hard to get. Just like how he was certain that messing up his hair impressed her even though she insisted it only made him look "disheveled".

I smiled at the memory and shifted painfully in the bed, aware that James' eyes were still focused on me. Quickly, I tried to make a joke to take off the intensity of his look, "What? One night in the hospital wing and I'm suddenly worthy of "the look"? I thought only Lily was worthy."

He ignored me, "Remus, how are you feeling?"

"Oh...fine..." A blatant lie which I thought was pretty obvious by the fact that I was in the hospital wing wrapped in bandages and half dead from all the potions I'd been force-fed by Madame Pomfrey. Speaking of... "Where's Pomfrey?"

"Sleeping," James said with a slightly mischievous look in his eyes.

"What? She would never sleep on the job!"

"Unless of course she was given a sleeping draught," it was Peter's slightly high-pitched voice that said this. I noticed him for the first time, standing slightly back from me looking nervous but attempting a warm smile.

I looked with horror at the two of them, "You drugged Madame Pomfrey! Are you nuts? We're all going to be expelled!"

"No one is getting expelled." James said quietly, "Remus, why didn't you tell us?"

"Tell you what?" I asked, more sharply than I had meant to. James reached for my bandages and I scuttled away to the best of my abilities.

"They need to be changed Remus, and Pomfrey will be out for another hour."

"You don't have to. I'll be fine..." James shook his head and began to unwrap the bandages and I finally shouted, "I don't want you to see them!"

I had never raised my voice before. Both of the other boys simply looked at me in shock and James gently put a hand on my arm, "Remus, you're hurting, please let us help. That's what friends are for."

"Monsters don't have friends," I said coldly, angrily.

"Remus, look at me," I looked pointedly away and he reached out and grabbed my chin and said quietly, "You are one of the best people I've ever met. You're nice to everyone, even people who don't deserve it. If you think you're a monster then you don't know what a real monster is."

Sirius had been furious of course when he came up to the infirmary to see Peter and I sharing M&Ms because I didn't like the shell and he thought that was the best part. James was showing off at the end of my bed, juggling the Muggle candies and then throwing them into the air to catch in his mouth. He'd played dumb and pretended he did not know what was wrong with me and ended up coming off as the hero, accepting me so quickly despite his upbringing. James had always really admired him for that.

I'd been relieved now that they knew. Unfortunately, I hadn't realized how desperate Sirius was to maintain control. That was until the night I almost killed Severus Snape. I think Sirius must have meant to put me in a horrible situation and then save me to show me how much I needed him. Thankfully, James had intervened. Though his intentions hadn't been pure, seeing Snivellous all alone was the prime situation for a prank so he had followed him. I probably could have forgiven Sirius for what he did, I really was desperate for his friendship. However, oddly enough, Snape convinced me not to. Because he kept my secret. Once he made that promise to keep it I'd waited for months for him to blackmail me with my condition. He never did. It didn't seem right, Sirius used my condition against me all the time and yet someone who considered me an enemy didn't...I was so confused! Soon I realized that Peter and James also didn't use it against me. I was angry and hurt and ended up pushing Sirius away.

We never did get together again, even though Sirius grew up quite a bit as we got older. Especially after Harry was born, somehow the little boy had a calming effect on Sirius. And he was so great with him, he would spend hours thinking of new ways to entertain the toddler. I knew he'd always felt a great guilt for leaving Harry alone all these years, it was the only time I'd known Padfoot to feel guilty about anything. Harry was possibly the only person that Sirius had ever loved unselfishly.

I sighed, I wished that I could obliviate some of those memories. so I could miss Sirius in peace without feeling angry with him. A part of me wanted to remember how he was after Azkaban, haunted and docile yet still with all the ferocity that made him who he was.

"Remus? Remus, m'boy are you there?"

"Yeah, what do you need Albus?"

"I need you to apparate to Cambridge immediately." I was about to ask him why and protest apparating in my weakened state but then the green flame was gone and so was Dumbledore. With a sigh I closed my eyes and pictured Cambridge, a little Muggle community.

By time I appeared there I was panting with the exertion and sweating as well. The first thing that hit me was the scent of blood, strong and pungent. I looked around, Muggle police cars were parked on the outer limits of the town and there were a few aurors I knew wandering around, assessing the damage. Most of the houses lay in rubble or were on fire that couldn't be put out much to the dismay of the Muggle firefighters. Most importantly was the sign that floated overhead. The sign of a skull with a large snake coming out of it's mouth and streaking across the sky. The dark mark. I shivered against my will and wondered if anyone had survived. This was an all Muggle town, the chances of them showing mercy were slim.

"Remus!" I turned to see a dark-haired woman in a neatly cut business suit running towards me. She stumbled and fell face first in the dirt and I couldn't help but smirk slightly. Quickly, as if nothing had happened, she stood up and made her way over to me and soon I found myself enveloped in a crushing hug with a woman I didn't recognize.


End file.
